Christina Caci asked:

Cheating wives will cover their tracks for a while, but they will eventually slip up. When they do, you will be ready for the signs. What do you need to know to expose your cheating wife?

Be on the lookout for new jewelry. Does she wear that new necklace all the time? Does she have a ring on her right hand, one she swears she bought for herself? Perhaps it is a little bauble of affection from her lover.

Do she and the girls go out more than ever? Maybe their once-a-month luncheon has turned into a once-a-week dinner. Has she joined a book club that keeps her away on Saturdays? She might even say she’s going on a weekend retreat with the ladies. Quietly check into this – you might be surprised at who she’s retreating with!

Does she take a shower the moment she gets home, before she even stops to kiss you hello? Do her clothes smell like smoke, when you are certain she doesn’t partake of the habit? These are warning signs that she doesn’t want you to smell someone else’s cologne on her skin or clothes.

If she wears sexy lingerie under her business suits but never bothers to wear it to be with you, there could be a reason. If her lover bought it for her, she will feel guilty wearing it while she’s with you.

When she pulls out a sexual trick that rocks your world, it might leave you feeling suspicious in the aftermath. Where did she learn such a thing? And how did she get so good at doing it? If she’s learned a new sexual move from her lover, don’t be surprised if she hones her talents on you.

On the flip-side, she might not want to have sex with you at all. Does she pull away when you touch her, or does she go through the motions when you’re intimate, giving you her body but letting her mind go elsewhere?

A woman fighting back guilt will show all sorts of unusual emotion, especially when you’re in bed and she can’t hide from you.

Does she seem shy and coy, or have a little bounce to her step? Watch for when she seems the happiest. Is it after she gets that phone call from work? Does it happen when she’s ready to leave for one of her very serious “book club” meetings?

Watch how your wife acts. Pay attention to what she does. Once you think you have her pegged, look a little deeper. Coach yourself on ALL the signs of a cheating spouse!

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Nick asked:

The first and a principal cause – feminism. Women do not wish to be women, do not wish to look after itself, do not want, that men looked after them, and attention signs often perceive aggressively. Men want a normal family, children (yes, yes, for the western men children it is important, they love them, they are engaged in them, for them children – value, instead of a burden). Men want romanticism, love, to care of someone that of them cared. Men of the West (esteem their forums, discussions) complain for a long time that women prefer to spend a free time in bars, instead of in a family, they I prefer to start to think of the child, when it nearby 40 (and about a family it is frequent too). They are shipped in themselves and are materialistic.

Why girls from Russia?

Russian women are famous for that for them the family, children is important. They easy allow men to care of them, they can combine work and a family (or only a family to whom that is important), they good, careful mothers. Russian girls are famous for ability to watch themselves, to put on, be painted, all it without looking at all at the modest income. The average Russian girl, under statements of men from the West, looks at model level there. Men (them every year to become less) who would like to find the girl for 20-25 years come on Russian sites of acquaintances also is more younger, to whom that of them would be desirable to give birth to the child whom their previous American wife and has not given birth, to someone to feel again young, showing and opening this world for the wife. Many men come also on sites with Russian girls after in their environment the family where the wife is Russian comes across. They see love and care of this pair about each other and it inspires them on searches of their love in Russia too.

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Emeka Esogbue asked:

Several of our authors including Prof Buchi Emecheta have centered their works on the Bride-price in Africa but only few have been in fervent advocacy for considerations literarily intervening to bring down costly requests usually put up by our elders in demand for bride-price and dowries. African writers and all friends of the continent who wish us well should openly speak against incessant and unreasonable demand for money which we term bride-price. We often neglect this aspect of our social life, which has become terribly demanding on us, and continues to waste the lives of our daughters who should be living happily with their heartthrobs.

The time has come when we shall all rise up against our elders in the village, who sit down and expect news of marriage of daughters they contributed nothing in rearing. No news excites our elders in the village more than that of someone is asking for the hand of our daughter, I think the war has begun already, with traditional marriages now taking place outside our hometowns, in current places of abode, the stronghold of our elders who sit down in villages and expect “settlements” (Money) is increasingly under threat.

Families who oppose traditional marriages taking place outside one’s hometown have no valid reasons to do so, after all, tradition in this sense simply means fulfilling the traditional aspect of the marriage not particularly with regards to where it should take place. People should made to get this clear, we should condemn the situation, our elders, vehemently reject the fulfillment of traditional marriages except it holds in the village for personal gains.

We also have a situation whereby people who know nothing about how a girl-child was reared would simply because he understands the child to have been educated up to tertiary level would demand for so much as a result of educational background. In the first place, educational background should not form a yardstick for determining how much bride-price should be paid for the head of a child. In first place, it baffles me on how the child nothing is known of by our elders now suddenly becomes a child of the entire village just because the issue of bride-price is at hand.

No matter how hard a single parent has worked to raise her daughter, when an issue concerns marriage she goes searching and begging elders who must not only preside over such a marriage but must also dictate how much should be involved for the workability of the marriage. Unhappy elders use the opportunity to make unrealistic demands insidiously to stall the marriage and tear the whole plan apart. High bride-price can be used to achieve this plan.

Our ladies are left with no option than to succumb to African insidious stall plans called bride-price. If the demand of bride-price must be made, our African elders must be thought to be reasonable after all, the era of slave trade is past, that is all we make them understand. Demand for non traditional items like umbrella, shoes, etc must become things of the past if our daughters are to become happily married to men of their choice.

Elders who want to live on bride-price, dowries, food and drinks from funeral should be taken care of by their own children, and must not be let lose to sit down to dictate how tradition demanded it in the past or series of precedents set in other communities. It particularly grieves me to listen to our elders ask questions on how it was when their sons went to that very village to marry a daughter of theirs. How much was demanded from them as dowries, why should there even be bargaining and haggling over a human being.

These things are increasing the number of able men in our society who are denied of marriage because they are expected to throw a very big party. We also hear there is this community in Nigeria where DJs are never allowed to play at marriages except live bands. You are there advised to include live band in plan for marriage. My advice to the elders of this village is that they should be put a stop to it immediately, music is music, no matter where the sound blares from, it still makes sense and danceable too.

Unimaginable contents in what has come to be known as marriage list should also be reasonable; a situation whereby such list contains unnecessary items and unconceivable amount of alcohols and expensive wines should be given re-consideration if our children must become some of the married couples in our society. Remember that if you unnecessary make certain unattainable demands today because you are giving out your girl-child to another family tomorrow, your male child will require you to accompany him to another family from another background entirely where you will haggle over unattainable demands to get your son married, and if you have no male child, your cousin may become a victim tomorrow, so stop the high demand of this bride-price today and you will have discouraged prostitution, HIV/AIDS spread and irresponsible life-style in our African society.

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Tankiso Letseli asked:

Almost all African marriages include dowry or bride’s price or “lobolo” or “bohadi”. A young man would not feel good if he is not required to give “lobolo” or “bohadi”, The amount of money or property or number of cows varies from one family to another and from one tribe to another. A young man pays “lobolo” according to the standards and status of that family or tribe. When the two negotiating teams have finished their job, which might involve two to three visits depending on whether they do not reach a deadlock, a date for sealing a covenant or relationship between two families would be arranged. Normally the prospective bride’s family arranges that ceremony, which is also coupled with the ritual of receiving and accepting the prospective bridegroom into the family as their son. A sheep is slaughtered and its blood is used as a material to seal to a covenant and confirm a relationship between two families.

Traditionally a man does not pay the bride’s price or dowry or “bohadi” or “lobolo” in full because that would be interpreted to mean that his family is breaking ties with his prospective wife’s family. In fact, the young man must be seen to be struggling to pay the rest of the amount, and a concession would be made for him to pay less than the amount originally required. He would pay 80 to 90% of the “bohadi” or “lobolo”, and the rest would remain as a balance or debt. The young man is not expected to pay this amount of money or cows. He is eternally indebted to his family-in-law at two levels, (1) for receiving a precious gift of a wife, and (2) for the balance of “lobolo” or “bohadi” that he does not have to pay.

It should be noted that “lobolo” or “bohadi” is not a price to purchase a woman, but a gift to the other woman’s family, and a test to a young man to check if he is capable of providing for his family. Women are precious in African culture, and they are not for sale. In fact, women are encouraged to leave if they are continuously mistreated, especially if both families have tried but have not been able to resolve that conflict. The same applies to a young man. If a young woman misbehaves, and both families are not able to solve that problem, a young man is encouraged either to divorce or (in some cases) to consider polygamy.

African Marriage ceremonies vary from one family to another and from one tribe to another. Marriage is a community event. Among many traditional Africans, there are no invitation cards. For example, in Sesotho culture, a white flag or cloth is flown higher at the bride’s home as a sign to communicate two messages, namely, (1) that there is a wedding in this house, and (2) the entire community is invited.

African marriage ceremonies are often conducted on one day, or two days or even several days – depending on the traditions of the family or tribe. Ceremonies vary from one family to another. There is a lot of preparation in terms of songs to be sung, speeches to be made, counselling of the bride and bridegroom by representatives from families, community, elders, church, king or chief of the territory, friends and neighbours. There is a lot of exchanging of gifts between the two families, gifts from the community members to the newly wedded couple. Marriage brings two families into one.

I think Africa has something to offer to the world in terms of its family and marriage structures, especially in the light of the fact that marriages are under attack and are crumbling. Extended families are critical in ensuring the stability and support of marriages. Uncles and aunts, grannies, and relatives should play a critical role in forming a support for the newly wedded couple. This will ensure a healthy family, healthy tribe or society, and a healthy nation. The wellness and health of the family are critical in providing a healthy nation, and producing peaceful societies.

Like in many cultural groups, African marriages are not perfect and still need to learn from other cultural groups, but Africa has its unique contribution to the world in terms of supportive family and marriage structures, and the concept and practice of “ubuntu”.

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Emeka Esogbue asked:

If there is anything at all Africa is in need of, it is nothing but cultural education of life. The financial demands of traditional marriages and funeral ceremonies in this part of the world have completely brought many individuals and families to down to their knees, ruination and even sent them to early graves courtesy of stroke or high blood-pressure; still we are far from learning great lessons maybe because we have become inured to learning our lessons in hard ways.

Consummations of traditional marriages and funeral ceremonies constantly occur anywhere in the world but what follows upon occurrences in Africa is a situation which if not well managed could also lead to the death of newly-weds or deceased families as the case maybe. This write-up is particularly concerned about traditional marriages in Africa especially in the Nigerian society and the greedy roles played by such families.

Many traditional weddings in Africa have after the ceremonies welcomed poverties and disheartening images in the homes of the newly-weds. This can be   particularly blamed on the family of the bride because they always want everything from grooms, a situation like this may also be blamed on the couple, who for what the people of the world may assume them, overstretch their spending by accepting loans, borrowing and even disposing-off valuable possessions just to meet up with marriage demands. It is therefore not uncommon to find couple begging for foods two weeks after holding their marriage.

The aftermaths of extravagance, unnecessary grand and colourful activities that are tied to marriages often leave couples in chains, abandonment and in sorrow. I shall try to explain how families of brides in many part of Africa sale their daughters thus making life meaningless for them.

In our African society, many cultures require that a bride-price be paid before a man can marry a woman but the idea of payment of this bride-price has been mismanaged, and grotesquely distorted to means of one-day generation of money for the family of the bride. Our families in Africa have become materialistic only wondering how much more they could making marrying –off their daughters to supposedly wealthy individuals in the society. These families want to keep eating continuously from dowries and bride-price of their daughters.

A situation whereby dowries and pride-price are negotiated should be discouraged because humans are no goods and the days of slavery are past. Interestingly, it is customary for the family of the bride and groom in some part of Africa to employ the middlemen who negotiate and bargain on the price of bride-price to be paid. The same method our fore-fathers who acted as middlemen captured and negotiated away their children who were sold to Europeans slave traders. Many a marriage has been brought to an abrupt end because the representatives of families who went on negotiation would either not agree on any particular sum or the groom could simply not afford the sum levied on his wife to be. This is disgustingly terrible.

The implication of the developments pointed out here is that many unmarried cohabit and bear children which in Nigeria we call “Lagos marriage.” Sometimes cohabiting may be considered immoral in the society but the act has with financial convenience enabled many of such victims to achieve their aims because when the groom comes knocking at the of his in-laws for marriage, he is sometimes leniency maybe accorded him because of the belief that he may after all abandon their daughter.

This greed in families has also led to the bankruptcy of newly-weds and brought about elopements too, and such daughters are never to be seen again until he returns with pregnancy which her clever man may deny. An ugly situation created by this may also be seen in the availability of adult-singles who litter around African streets, many of these singles have availed themselves of the opportunities to defraud true marriage seekers online especially Americans and Europeans thus further discrediting the image of the continent.

Although, marriage negotiation remains the affair of families involved but greed for high bride-price should be checked and discouraged by governments if this social problem is to be effectively put under check and ugly consequences often leading to large number of divorces in our court should be reduced. In this way, jostling for large share of money from bride-price among family members and elders of villages should be discouraged. We may sometimes expect reasonable family members to accept half of bride-price and return the rest of it to the groom because the money will be used to take care of their daughter, and this way their daughter will be have a happy home. We have also observed some families heads who in the course of marriage negotiations state that they would accept anything given to them.

Unfortunately, many churches in Africa today have encouraged large spending and affluence in the organization of Christian marriages between their members, and many of these churches are still in existence today. It is also stands to reason to understand that two of the Christian denominations who have stood out, not being carried away by unreasonable demands are Deeper Life Bible Church and Jehovah’s Witnesses. Anyone of you who have had the opportunities to attend weddings organized by these denominations will readily agree that much time and affluence are not exhibited in these churches.

We want to call on the Nigerian Government to curtail the greed occasioned by bride-price by enacting and enforcing a law as we have seen in a tiny West African State of Togo which states that “bride-price can be paid in kind or in cash or in both ways”     

The law adds: “In no case should the amount exceed the sum of 10,000 F CFA (US$20.00).” (Negotiating a Reasonable Bride-Price, www. Watchtower.org)

Our Government of Nigeria should also realize that it owes its subjects social responsibilities, and operating this will make our society a good for all and finally reduce corruption and desperation among the youths of the country. After all marriage can be a free gift from God, and most youths who plunder the society, engage in robberies, assassinations and other forms of nefarious activities do so to favour women.

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