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Almost all African marriages include dowry or bride’s price or “lobolo” or “bohadi”. A young man would not feel good if he is not required to give “lobolo” or “bohadi”, The amount of money or property or number of cows varies from one family to another and from one tribe to another. A young man pays “lobolo” according to the standards and status of that family or tribe. When the two negotiating teams have finished their job, which might involve two to three visits depending on whether they do not reach a deadlock, a date for sealing a covenant or relationship between two families would be arranged. Normally the prospective bride’s family arranges that ceremony, which is also coupled with the ritual of receiving and accepting the prospective bridegroom into the family as their son. A sheep is slaughtered and its blood is used as a material to seal to a covenant and confirm a relationship between two families.

Traditionally a man does not pay the bride’s price or dowry or “bohadi” or “lobolo” in full because that would be interpreted to mean that his family is breaking ties with his prospective wife’s family. In fact, the young man must be seen to be struggling to pay the rest of the amount, and a concession would be made for him to pay less than the amount originally required. He would pay 80 to 90% of the “bohadi” or “lobolo”, and the rest would remain as a balance or debt. The young man is not expected to pay this amount of money or cows. He is eternally indebted to his family-in-law at two levels, (1) for receiving a precious gift of a wife, and (2) for the balance of “lobolo” or “bohadi” that he does not have to pay.

It should be noted that “lobolo” or “bohadi” is not a price to purchase a woman, but a gift to the other woman’s family, and a test to a young man to check if he is capable of providing for his family. Women are precious in African culture, and they are not for sale. In fact, women are encouraged to leave if they are continuously mistreated, especially if both families have tried but have not been able to resolve that conflict. The same applies to a young man. If a young woman misbehaves, and both families are not able to solve that problem, a young man is encouraged either to divorce or (in some cases) to consider polygamy.

African Marriage ceremonies vary from one family to another and from one tribe to another. Marriage is a community event. Among many traditional Africans, there are no invitation cards. For example, in Sesotho culture, a white flag or cloth is flown higher at the bride’s home as a sign to communicate two messages, namely, (1) that there is a wedding in this house, and (2) the entire community is invited.

African marriage ceremonies are often conducted on one day, or two days or even several days – depending on the traditions of the family or tribe. Ceremonies vary from one family to another. There is a lot of preparation in terms of songs to be sung, speeches to be made, counselling of the bride and bridegroom by representatives from families, community, elders, church, king or chief of the territory, friends and neighbours. There is a lot of exchanging of gifts between the two families, gifts from the community members to the newly wedded couple. Marriage brings two families into one.

I think Africa has something to offer to the world in terms of its family and marriage structures, especially in the light of the fact that marriages are under attack and are crumbling. Extended families are critical in ensuring the stability and support of marriages. Uncles and aunts, grannies, and relatives should play a critical role in forming a support for the newly wedded couple. This will ensure a healthy family, healthy tribe or society, and a healthy nation. The wellness and health of the family are critical in providing a healthy nation, and producing peaceful societies.

Like in many cultural groups, African marriages are not perfect and still need to learn from other cultural groups, but Africa has its unique contribution to the world in terms of supportive family and marriage structures, and the concept and practice of “ubuntu”.

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