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Several of our authors including Prof Buchi Emecheta have centered their works on the Bride-price in Africa but only few have been in fervent advocacy for considerations literarily intervening to bring down costly requests usually put up by our elders in demand for bride-price and dowries. African writers and all friends of the continent who wish us well should openly speak against incessant and unreasonable demand for money which we term bride-price. We often neglect this aspect of our social life, which has become terribly demanding on us, and continues to waste the lives of our daughters who should be living happily with their heartthrobs.

The time has come when we shall all rise up against our elders in the village, who sit down and expect news of marriage of daughters they contributed nothing in rearing. No news excites our elders in the village more than that of someone is asking for the hand of our daughter, I think the war has begun already, with traditional marriages now taking place outside our hometowns, in current places of abode, the stronghold of our elders who sit down in villages and expect “settlements” (Money) is increasingly under threat.

Families who oppose traditional marriages taking place outside one’s hometown have no valid reasons to do so, after all, tradition in this sense simply means fulfilling the traditional aspect of the marriage not particularly with regards to where it should take place. People should made to get this clear, we should condemn the situation, our elders, vehemently reject the fulfillment of traditional marriages except it holds in the village for personal gains.

We also have a situation whereby people who know nothing about how a girl-child was reared would simply because he understands the child to have been educated up to tertiary level would demand for so much as a result of educational background. In the first place, educational background should not form a yardstick for determining how much bride-price should be paid for the head of a child. In first place, it baffles me on how the child nothing is known of by our elders now suddenly becomes a child of the entire village just because the issue of bride-price is at hand.

No matter how hard a single parent has worked to raise her daughter, when an issue concerns marriage she goes searching and begging elders who must not only preside over such a marriage but must also dictate how much should be involved for the workability of the marriage. Unhappy elders use the opportunity to make unrealistic demands insidiously to stall the marriage and tear the whole plan apart. High bride-price can be used to achieve this plan.

Our ladies are left with no option than to succumb to African insidious stall plans called bride-price. If the demand of bride-price must be made, our African elders must be thought to be reasonable after all, the era of slave trade is past, that is all we make them understand. Demand for non traditional items like umbrella, shoes, etc must become things of the past if our daughters are to become happily married to men of their choice.

Elders who want to live on bride-price, dowries, food and drinks from funeral should be taken care of by their own children, and must not be let lose to sit down to dictate how tradition demanded it in the past or series of precedents set in other communities. It particularly grieves me to listen to our elders ask questions on how it was when their sons went to that very village to marry a daughter of theirs. How much was demanded from them as dowries, why should there even be bargaining and haggling over a human being.

These things are increasing the number of able men in our society who are denied of marriage because they are expected to throw a very big party. We also hear there is this community in Nigeria where DJs are never allowed to play at marriages except live bands. You are there advised to include live band in plan for marriage. My advice to the elders of this village is that they should be put a stop to it immediately, music is music, no matter where the sound blares from, it still makes sense and danceable too.

Unimaginable contents in what has come to be known as marriage list should also be reasonable; a situation whereby such list contains unnecessary items and unconceivable amount of alcohols and expensive wines should be given re-consideration if our children must become some of the married couples in our society. Remember that if you unnecessary make certain unattainable demands today because you are giving out your girl-child to another family tomorrow, your male child will require you to accompany him to another family from another background entirely where you will haggle over unattainable demands to get your son married, and if you have no male child, your cousin may become a victim tomorrow, so stop the high demand of this bride-price today and you will have discouraged prostitution, HIV/AIDS spread and irresponsible life-style in our African society.

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The spectrum of infidelity and unfaithfulness in ones spouse can be a poison within ones life making us feel lost, afraid, angry but mostly anxious if we do not have any proof of any cheating that is going on. While some wives cover up their affairs with precision it is almost impossible to eradicate all traces of the engaging effects of an affair. To help you confirm whether your fears are unfounded or real here are 4 unfaithful, cheating wife signs to be aware of.

1. Phone oddities

With communication so easy with mobiles, home phones, cordless phones, texting, phone media and so on people can be connected to each other whenever they feel like it and the giddy highs of infidelity lead to such communications being very frequent. If you find your wife talking on the phone out of earshot often or if you answer the phone only to have it hang up on you there may be something going on. Also if you find her phone is suddenly clean of messages when she may have left them there before then you must ask why she is “cleaning up” so much. Just make sure these things are not because she is planning a surprise birthday party!

2. Internet oddities

Like telephones the internet gives us an extraordinary ability to communicate, remain anonymous and clean up the evidence too. However there are many ways of finding information from a computer by searching the cache files, looking at site histories, reading chat logs and so forth. If all pof these things are suddenly being deleted though it may be more proof that something is going on.

3. Routine changes

Most marriages have a certain routine to them. Some are heavily regimented especially if you have children and others are a bit looser but it is rare that a marriage is so lacking in a routine that you cannot pick changes in these routines that may hint that your wife might be cheating on you. Perhaps the times she arrives home starts varying wildly or perhaps she starts getting tired on certain nights where she used to want to go out. There could be a thousand variations on this and small changes may be for other reasons but affairs tend to be passionate and lead to wild swings of mood and routine rather than small ones.

4. Sex changes

Cheating can have wildly different effects on peoples sexuality. While many would think that sex would diminish during this period sometimes the opposite is in effect where a dormant sexuality becomes active and sexual intimacy may skyrocket and be more varied and wilder than before. Sometimes the amount of sex may not change but small nuances in the bed may be different enough to spark some suspicion.

While many of these signs may simply increase your suspicion of your wife some may hold some definite answers and all together may be enough to have a full enough picture to make the call. Unfaithful, cheating wife signs may vary quite a lot depending on many factors in both of your lives and your relationship and history so all these tips are just guidelines you may need to adjust to suit.

Cheating Boyfriends

Cheating boyfriends leave many signs and with a little patience, and by giving him lots of time and space to cheat, you can catch your cheating boyfriend without having to hire a costly private investigator. We have compiled a list of the top 5 signs of a cheating boyfriend so you can tell whether or not your boyfriend is cheating. Remember to pay attention to details and follow your gut instinct. In addition, if you and your boyfriend haven’t clearly discussed whether the two of you are both monogamous in your relationship, don’t assume he has just “automatically” decided to be faithful to only you. Maybe in your cheating boyfriend’s mind, your relationship isn’t serious enough for him to consider being faithful yet. Make sure you are both clear on where you stand regarding fidelity in your relationship.

1. Lack of intimacy. This doesn’t always have to be in the form of sex. It can be a decline of touching, cuddling, holding hands or kissing.

2. He cheated on his old girlfriends. If you can talk to some of his old girlfriends, by all means, do it. However, make sure to ask his ex-girlfriends in a kind and calm manner so they do not become defensive. A cheating boyfriend will usually repeat their behavior with their next girlfriend.

3. He avoids you. A big sign of a cheating boyfriend is when he makes up all sorts of excuses as to why he can’t be with you because he’s spending time with his “other” girlfriend. If he has to work late, stay after school, is always with his friend’s or co-workers more than usual, these could be the excuses your boyfriend is using to cover up his cheating ways.

4. He never answers his cell phone around you. A way to tell if your boyfriend is cheating is if he always turns his ringer off around you or walks out of hearing distance from you. These are big red flags he may be cheating. If he receives calls at odd hours or speaks on the phone in a strange manner could also be signs he is cheating.

5. He is irritable or criticizes you more. If your boyfriend’s behavior suddenly changes, there is a possibility that he may be finding fault with you in order to justify his cheating in his mind. That way your cheating boyfriend can say you “drove” him away because of your supposed faults. The opposite of this behavior is being overly nice, giving gifts and being lovey-dovey because he wants to keep his cake (you) and eat it too (his other girlfriend).

If you discover your boyfriend is cheating, seek support from those around you like friends and family. Don’t get revenge by sleeping with one of his friends because it just brings you down to his low level and you should strive to be the bigger person. The circumstances of your boyfriend’s cheating will allow you to decide whether to leave or stay. It is very therapeutic to write down your anger, sadness and disappointment in the form of a letter or a cheating boyfriend poem. Allow yourself some grieving time and then get right back into the game of life by filling your life with activities that interest you.

Cheating Boyfriends

Almost all African marriages include dowry or bride’s price or “lobolo” or “bohadi”. A young man would not feel good if he is not required to give “lobolo” or “bohadi”, The amount of money or property or number of cows varies from one family to another and from one tribe to another. A young man pays “lobolo” according to the standards and status of that family or tribe. When the two negotiating teams have finished their job, which might involve two to three visits depending on whether they do not reach a deadlock, a date for sealing a covenant or relationship between two families would be arranged. Normally the prospective bride’s family arranges that ceremony, which is also coupled with the ritual of receiving and accepting the prospective bridegroom into the family as their son. A sheep is slaughtered and its blood is used as a material to seal to a covenant and confirm a relationship between two families.

Traditionally a man does not pay the bride’s price or dowry or “bohadi” or “lobolo” in full because that would be interpreted to mean that his family is breaking ties with his prospective wife’s family. In fact, the young man must be seen to be struggling to pay the rest of the amount, and a concession would be made for him to pay less than the amount originally required. He would pay 80 to 90% of the “bohadi” or “lobolo”, and the rest would remain as a balance or debt. The young man is not expected to pay this amount of money or cows. He is eternally indebted to his family-in-law at two levels, (1) for receiving a precious gift of a wife, and (2) for the balance of “lobolo” or “bohadi” that he does not have to pay.

It should be noted that “lobolo” or “bohadi” is not a price to purchase a woman, but a gift to the other woman’s family, and a test to a young man to check if he is capable of providing for his family. Women are precious in African culture, and they are not for sale. In fact, women are encouraged to leave if they are continuously mistreated, especially if both families have tried but have not been able to resolve that conflict. The same applies to a young man. If a young woman misbehaves, and both families are not able to solve that problem, a young man is encouraged either to divorce or (in some cases) to consider polygamy.

African Marriage ceremonies vary from one family to another and from one tribe to another. Marriage is a community event. Among many traditional Africans, there are no invitation cards. For example, in Sesotho culture, a white flag or cloth is flown higher at the bride’s home as a sign to communicate two messages, namely, (1) that there is a wedding in this house, and (2) the entire community is invited.

African marriage ceremonies are often conducted on one day, or two days or even several days – depending on the traditions of the family or tribe. Ceremonies vary from one family to another. There is a lot of preparation in terms of songs to be sung, speeches to be made, counselling of the bride and bridegroom by representatives from families, community, elders, church, king or chief of the territory, friends and neighbours. There is a lot of exchanging of gifts between the two families, gifts from the community members to the newly wedded couple. Marriage brings two families into one.

I think Africa has something to offer to the world in terms of its family and marriage structures, especially in the light of the fact that marriages are under attack and are crumbling. Extended families are critical in ensuring the stability and support of marriages. Uncles and aunts, grannies, and relatives should play a critical role in forming a support for the newly wedded couple. This will ensure a healthy family, healthy tribe or society, and a healthy nation. The wellness and health of the family are critical in providing a healthy nation, and producing peaceful societies.

Like in many cultural groups, African marriages are not perfect and still need to learn from other cultural groups, but Africa has its unique contribution to the world in terms of supportive family and marriage structures, and the concept and practice of “ubuntu”.

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We have seen many Chinese singles online found their companion at free Chinese dating sites. Many single Chinese women have found their husbands on net. It is common to find Chinese girls for dating and marriage these days. This electronic world helps us a lot. We can find love and romance online these days. Chinese dating service is a means to find online Chinese single men and women locally and around the world. There are single Chinese girls seeking for partners in China. There are also Chinese women seeking for companion in other countries as well. Western men also find Chinese brides online at these free Chinese dating sites. So, I have some experiences about seeking for love online. It worked well. Some Chinese singles met with each other online and went for a marriage.

Online Chinese dating is a tool to find Chinese single men and women. If you are a single Chinese woman, then you will feel boring and lonely. Chinese singles should find their partners at online dating services. There are Chinese dating sites that provide the service for free. Members who can register for a profile, search for other singles, and interact with them without paying a fee. Some services charge members a small contacting fee when members try to send a message to others. Anyway, free or paid Chinese dating sites have one purpose, that is, they try to help online Chinese singles to find their dream mates. We have seen too many divorces happened in recent years so there are even more Chinese single people. Chinese singles should not be single because there are many dating sites that offer the means to find their partners online. Looking for love or dates on net is easier than you order an item online.

When you take a look at the online Chinese dating service interface, you know you can register a profile for less than 5 minutes. Single Chinese women and men should join these online dating websites to find their companions. Why being single where there are couples out there just have met each other through these Chinese dating sites. You should not be single at all. We live in this modern day, single Chinese men can meet Chinese single women online, easily and conveniently. Some of these sites offer totally free Chinese dating service for Chinese singles to seek online dates. The first step to do that is to create a personal ad with your photos to attract other Chinese singles. The 2nd step is to search for all singles at these free Chinese dating sites you like. The 3rd step is to contact them all. Then, you need to wait and reply to whoever contacting you. After you exchange with some members that you really like, then you can make an appointment to meet face-to-face.

Chinese single women and men will contact each other if they like one of another. After this meeting, you use a common sense to go next. It is all up to you whether to continue meeting this Chinese woman or man. Looking for Chinese singles online is simple. There are many free Chinese dating sites that offer the means to find your soul mate on net. Your future dream mate is waiting for you online. Joining these free Chinese dating websites is the first step to find single Chinese men and women. Seeking Chinese women and men for dating and marriage at a Chinese dating service is common these days.

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